Most of us don’t set out to be unkind. But can you recall a recent conversation, email, discussion, or argument, where you wondered: Why did I say it like that? or Did my tone help—or hurt? Our words—spoken quickly, carelessly, or without thought—often reveal more about our hearts than we intend. Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45 ESV). That truth sobers us because it reminds us that kindness is not merely what we do but what we say—and even how well we listen.
In a world filled with quick comments and reactionary responses, communicating with kindness has become one of the most powerful ways for believers to reflect Christ. Scripture consistently elevates the relationship between our words, our witness, and our love for others. Paul urged believers to “look not only to [their] own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3–4 ESV). Kind communication is one of the clearest ways we live this out.
Today, we’ll explore three areas of communication that shape godly kindness: 1) learning to listen, 2) stewarding the power of our words, and 3) practicing simple etiquette as a ministry of grace.
Listening is one of the most underrated forms of kindness. In his famous prayer, St. Francis of Assisi asked God to help him: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Most people think good communication starts with speaking well—but Scripture teaches the opposite:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19 NIV
Listening shows humility. It quiets the reflex to assert our opinions first. It makes space to understand the other person’s needs, emotions, and perspective—something Proverbs repeatedly elevates:
Learning to listen deeply can pay dividends in the quality of your relationships. Susan Scott, the author of the best-selling book Fierce Conversations, puts it succinctly: C = R, meaning the conversation is the relationship. If your conversation consists of surface-level platitudes without the ability to be honest or address conflict, it reflects your relationship with that person.
Listening is the soil in which kindness grows. It helps prevent unnecessary conflict, softens tense conversations, and communicates: “You matter enough for me to slow down and hear your heart.” In a culture that shouts, listening is a countercultural kindness.
The old saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of childhood’s greatest lies. Words do hurt. Words heal. Words linger. Words build up or tear down long after a conversation ends.
Scripture leaves no ambiguity about this:
Words are never neutral. They either carry kindness or they carry harm.
Kind people do not hesitate to extend a compliment, offer a word of gratitude, or give an exhortation. They are attentive to things people might not know they need to hear until they receive the words. When we allow God’s kindness to flow through us, He may give us wisdom and words to speak to our friends, co-workers, or even strangers at the grocery store, ministering to their hearts.
Thus, if listening prepares the soil, words are the seeds. What we plant will grow. And even the smallest of words can have the greatest impact.
Etiquette is often dismissed as old-fashioned, but Scripture teaches that how we conduct ourselves—our posture, tone, courtesy, and attentiveness—reflects the humility of Christ.
Kind etiquette is not pretentious; it’s sacrificial. It says: “I’m willing to inconvenience myself to communicate value to you.”
That’s Philippians 2 in action.
Jesus modeled this repeatedly: in the way He welcomed children, dignified the outcasts, honored people with His attention, and chose gentle words even in correction. Etiquette in speech and behavior becomes an avenue for grace. It can open a door to share Christ just as surely as rude or dismissive behavior hinders one from being a light and ambassador for Christ.
Matthew 7:12 encapsulates kind etiquette with this command: “Do to others what you would have them do to you” (NIV).
Kindness is not only expressed in big acts of generosity—it lives inside everyday conversations. It shows up in the way we speak to our families behind closed doors, how we interact with coworkers, how we respond when irritated, and how we treat people who can give us nothing in return.
Communicating with kindness means:
None of this happens automatically. Kindness must be chosen, cultivated, and filled by the Holy Spirit. But when we grow in this fruit, we become living testimonies of Christ’s compassion—reflecting his heart in every conversation.
FAITH IN ACTION
Choose one of the four intentions below to put into action over the holidays!
1. Choose one conversation to listen more deeply than usual. Just one.
2. Speak one intentional blessing over someone who doesn’t expect it.
3. Practice one small but meaningful courtesy—holding a door, thanking sincerely, using someone’s name.
4. Ask God to reveal any harsh patterns in your speech and invite the Spirit to soften them.
Coming Up: Next month, we will start the new year by discussing the fruit of the Spirit that helps you go the distance—the fruit of faithfulness. Start your year off right by understanding the role that faithfulness plays in your success!
Do you want to learn how to walk in freedom and cultivate God’s kindness in your own life?
Learn more about the fruit of kindness and explore additional thought-provoking posts on our Fruit of Faith Blog. Interested in going deeper in your faith? Consider joining our BibleSpot S.T.A.R.s Discipleship Program, a 90-day intensive study and coaching program beginning in early 2026. We hope to be an encouraging part of your spiritual journey!
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