One of the hardest battles every believer faces is not against the world, other people, or even the devil—it is the battle of the will. At the heart of discipleship lies a daily choice: Will I live by my will, or will I surrender to Christ’s?
Jesus did not soften his words when He invited people to follow him. He said plainly:
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:24–25 ESV).
These words form the backbone of Christian self-control. They reveal that spiritual maturity is not found in self-assertion but in self-surrender: a surrender empowered by the Holy Spirit and expressed through the fruit of self-control.
Many believers confuse commitment with surrender, but the two are not the same. Commitment still allows us to stay in control. We decide what we will give God, when we will obey, and where the limits are. Surrender, however, completely hands over control. It says, “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
Self-control is not about gritting our teeth or relying on human discipline alone. Instead, it is about yielding our will to God’s authority and allowing the Spirit to govern our desires, decisions, and direction. This is where Jesus’s call unfolds in four transformative steps.
To deny yourself does not mean rejecting joy, pleasure, or desire. Jesus enjoyed meals, fellowship, and celebration. Self-denial is not asceticism, nor is it a man-made list of rules. Instead, self-denial means surrendering ownership of your life.
At its core, denying yourself means refusing to let the “old self” rule—its pride, impulses, fears, and demands.
It is choosing daily to put Christ on the throne of your heart and to trust him with your desires rather than seizing control yourself.
Jesus modeled this perfectly when He faced temptation in the wilderness. Though physically hungry, He refused to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way. He trusted the Father rather than satisfying himself apart from God’s will.
👣 Faith Step:
Ask yourself daily, “Who is deciding today—my impulses or the Spirit?” Invite God into your desires and ask him to refine, redirect, or restrain them according to his wisdom.
In Jesus’s day, the cross was not symbolic—it was an instrument of death. To “take up your cross” means willingly laying down your agenda, rights, and plans in obedience to Christ. Doing so means accepting that discipleship requires sacrifice. Following Jesus may cost comfort, convenience, reputation, or control. Yet this daily surrender is not a loss—it is a spiritual gain with eternal rewards.
The apostle Paul described this as “crucifying the flesh” so that we may live by the Spirit (see Galatians 5:24; Romans 8:13; Colossians 3:5). Self-control enables us to say no to the flesh so we can say yes to God. Without it, our desires rule us. With it, Christ does.
👣 Faith Step:
Identify one area where God has been asking you to release control—your time, finances, reactions, or expectations. Consciously place it before him and choose obedience over comfort.
Following Jesus is not a one-time decision; it is a daily walk. To follow him means submitting not only our desires but our direction. We go where He leads, even when the path is uncomfortable or unclear.
Jesus himself prayed in Gethsemane, “Not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42 NASB). In that moment, self-control was expressed not through resistance but through submission. Though He possessed all power, He chose obedience for the sake of love.
This kind of following requires spiritual discipline: time in the Word, prayer, repentance, and attentiveness to the Spirit.
Self-control guards our focus so that distractions do not derail our devotion.
👣 Faith Step:
Create daily rhythms that support obedience, e.g., Scripture before screens, prayer before decisions, and reflection before reaction. These practices strengthen the fruit of self-control over time.
Jesus ends with a paradox that defines the Christian life: “Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25 ESV).
The world teaches us to preserve, protect, and promote ourselves. Jesus teaches us to surrender, and in doing so, to truly live.
A life centered on self ultimately leads to emptiness, anxiety, and fragmentation. But a life surrendered to Christ leads to peace, purpose, and freedom. When we stop striving to save ourselves, we discover that God is far better at giving us life than we ever could be.
Self-control plays a vital role here. It keeps us from being driven by fear, pleasure, or pride and anchors us in trust. It allows us to wait on God instead of rushing ahead. It empowers us to endure discomfort because we trust the outcome.
👣 Faith Step:
Reflect on where you may be striving instead of surrendering. Ask God to show you how releasing control could actually lead to greater freedom and peace.
Self-control is not about willpower; it is about Spirit-power. It is the fruit that enables us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, follow Christ, and find true life. Without it, surrender becomes sporadic. With it, surrender becomes a way of life.
As we submit our will to God daily, the Spirit strengthens us to choose obedience over impulse, faith over fear, and trust over control. This is not weakness—it is surrendered strength.
True freedom is not found in doing whatever we want. It is found in becoming who God created us to be.
Coming Up: Do you struggle with self-control? Or with cultivating disciplined, healthy habits? Join us during this six-week series as we dive deep into the fruit of self-control, sharing powerful and practical tips for growth in this area!
Do you want to learn how to walk in freedom and cultivate godly self-control in your life?
Learn more about the fruit of self-control and explore additional thought-provoking posts on our Fruit of Faith Blog. Interested in going deeper in your faith? Consider joining our BibleSpot S.T.A.R.s Discipleship Program, a 90-day intensive study and coaching program. Sign up for our newsletter for more details! We hope to be an encouraging part of your spiritual journey. 💜
God's Word. Your Victory.