The Discernment to Love: Knowing God’s Truth, Part 2

This is the second installment of our four-part series, exploring four attributes of biblical love that are challenging but ultimately rewarding in growing our faith and capacity to love like Christ. Our series will cover:

• The Decision to Love: Understanding God’s Agape
• The Discernment to Love: Knowing God’s Truth
• The Deference to Love: Having God’s Humility
• The Demonstration of Love: Showing God’s Love

Love Stinks…or Does It Think?

Fans of the rom-com movie The Wedding Singer, which presents a nostalgic portrayal of the 1980s, may recall Adam Sandler’s gloomy rendition of the song “Love Stinks” at a wedding after being left at the altar by his fiancée. The expression shot to fame in the 1980s, largely thanks to The J. Geils Band’s hit song Love Stinks. With its catchy lyrics and tongue-in-cheek attitude, the song humorously captures the frustrations and disappointments that often come with love. Since then, the phrase has taken on a life of its own, appearing in movies, TV shows, and everyday conversations as a way to encapsulate the heartbreak and disillusionment that love can bring.

While falling in love is often idealized in our media, the reality of love is far more complicated. It can seemingly lift us to incredible heights in one moment and yet leave us feeling crushed and misunderstood in another. Unrequited love can be deeply hurtful, evoking feelings of rejection and loneliness.

Even in strong relationships, unresolved conflicts can create emotional barriers, trading the joy of connection for pain and distance.

To make matters worse, Hollywood’s glossy portrayals of romance set unrealistic expectations, leading many to feel disappointed when real-life love falls short of them.

In Part 1, we explored true agape love and its characteristics. One of the key attributes of agape love is that it is rooted in truth rather than emotions or feelings. Love and truth go hand in hand: “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6 NIV). Part of showing or receiving love involves rejoicing in the truth, which means knowing the truth and using discernment.

The Truth About Love

If we are seeking truth, we begin with the Bible as our source. The Apostle Paul’s letter to the Philippians—often regarded as his most personal—provides a powerful example of deep, Christ-centered love in action. Unlike some of his other letters, which deal heavily with doctrinal correction, the Philippians epistle radiates warmth, affection, and an unmistakable bond between Paul and the church family he had planted and nurtured.

Paul doesn’t just express love in theory—he pours out his heart to the Philippians: “I hold you in my heart… I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus… my beloved… whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown” (Philippians 1:7-8; 2:12; 4:1 ESV). His love for them is not distant or detached but intensely personal and relational.

But Paul doesn’t stop at mere words of affection. He actively prays that their love will continue to grow, saying, “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more…” (1:9 ESV). Yet, he isn’t talking about a love that is merely emotional or sentimental—he desires a love that is wise and discerning, one rooted in truth and righteousness, as the rest of verse 9 goes on to pray that their love would grow “…with knowledge and all discernment.” Why?

Paul’s prayer for the Philippians isn’t just about loving more—it’s about loving wisely. This is a profound insight into agape love—it emphasizes the importance of being guided by knowledge, originating in the mind, and discernment, originating in the spirit, rather than solely by emotions. The more we internalize the truths of God’s Word, the greater our capacity to love as Christ loves. The greater our discernment, which is the ability to distinguish truth from error, sharpened by the Spirit of God within us, the more truly we allow God’s love to transform our hearts, so we reject evil and rejoice in his truth.

Too often, emotional love leads to unhealthy patterns—attachment without wisdom, codependency, and instability. But God’s love is different. It is overflowing yet anchored in truth, leading to healthy relationships, wise decisions, and strong spiritual maturity. A love shaped by discernment knows how to set healthy boundaries, care for oneself, and avoid relying on others for validation and approval. This is the kind of love that truly lasts—one that reflects both the heart and wisdom of God.

5 Tips to Finding Your True Love – Biblical Style!

Finding love is one of life’s greatest joys, but without wisdom, emotions can lead us into unhealthy, unbalanced, or even harmful relationships. Here are five ways to pursue love with wisdom and discernment.

1. Let wisdom guide your heart, not just your feelings

• Emotions are fleeting, but wisdom provides stability. Attraction and excitement can cloud judgment; therefore, take the time to evaluate the relationship wisely.
• Ask yourself: Do this person’s values and faith align with my own? Do they bring out the best in me?

2. Observe their character, not just their words

• Love is more than sweet talk—it’s proven in actions.
• Look for consistency in their behavior. Are they kind and patient not only to you but also to strangers, family, and those with whom they disagree?

3. Build a friendship first

• Can you laugh together? Resolve disagreements? Do you enjoy spending time together?
• If you can’t be great friends, you won’t have a solid foundation for a loving relationship.

4. Seek God’s guidance in prayer

• The Bible says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5 NIV).
• Pray for clarity, patience, and the discernment to see red flags before deeply investing in the relationship.

5. Seek wise counsel

• Proverbs says, “…in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (11:14b NKJV).
• Seeking counsel from a pastor or trusted mentor safeguards your heart and offers an outside perspective.

Reflection: How has your understanding of love changed or been enriched? How will you put that truth into action this week? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Prayer: Pray Paul’s prayer in Philippians 1:9-11 over yourself.